I absolutely love blogging, it really helps me to escape from everyday life, which can sometimes make me feel really overwhelmed and anxious. I thought blogging would be that outlet for me, but I seemed to have develop a strong love-hate relationship with it.

I’m going to try and be as polite as I can be, but honestly I’m just going to be myself in this post. I’ll explain why I’m pointing this out a little later.

Right, I’m just going to jump straight in because I know you’re all eager to find out what’s going on.

1. Confidence.

I don’t generally have a lot of self-confidence and I tend to beat myself up about things a lot. The issue I had with blogging in the past is that I felt like I wasn’t worthy, like I wasn’t good enough to be blogging because there were so many better bloggers out there than me. I lost a lot of confidence in myself, in my ability to write, my ability to blog purely because I couldn’t ‘keep up’ with what I thought every other blogger was doing. It became so much pressure that I found myself not wanting to blog at all.

2. Community 

The blogging community, from what I’ve seen, is something that I really didn’t want to be part of. I know that sounds awful, but there are a few reasons why I felt like I didn’t fit in. The first is probably because I really don’t fit in with other bloggers who I’ve met, and as lovely as you all are - I still felt like an outsider, no matter how hard I tried. Secondly, there is just always so much drama going on, I don’t have the time or the energy to be worrying about it. I wanted blogging to be an escape from drama, I have enough drama in real life, you know what I mean?!

3. Pressure 

I didn’t really know what to title this one and it sort of links to the previous point, but basically what I mean is that there was a lot of pressure for me to look at what other people are doing and copy - because in my mind, those were the posts and styles that got the views, and I wanted views. This really wore me down because I felt like I had to change who I was, just so I could ‘fit in’. And now I truly know that I don’t have to do that, I can be myself and there will be at least 1 person out there who likes that. At this point in time, I don’t care about numbers, be it, likes/followers/views - I just really want to blog about my life, the things I like and how I’m feeling.

4. Fake 

I felt like I was being fake. I felt like because I was doing what everyone else was doing that I wasn’t being myself, and I really and truly wasn’t being myself. I put on this persona, I changed the way I wrote and mimicked what I saw was working for other people. I feel like I have to be someone different all the time in real life and it sort of hurt me that I had to do the same thing online. I don’t want to care about all of that, I don’t want to be pressured into changing who I am just to fit in with everyone else. I want to be my own person.

5. Rubbish. 

Pretty much every blog post that I wrote was rubbish. I couldn’t take good pictures to save my life (ok.. I still can’t but shhh) and my writing was all over the place. I want a fresh start and I want to put 100% into my safe space. I want to be proud of what I create.

So there. These three reasons are why I had to quit blogging for a bit and finally reinvent myself. I don’t want a generic blog, with generic pictures and a whole lot of fakeness. I want this blog to be my safespae, I want it to be the one place where I can feel comfortable with just being who I am. I will occassionally blog about beauty, but it’s not going to be my main focus anymore and I hope everyone will be okay with that!

I hope this post doesn’t offend anyone, I really don’t mean for it to. I just needed to express myself and let you know of the changes that are going to be happening around here. I won’t be offended if you all unfollow me, I promise! I just want to be real and to be myself, and I really hope you will like the real me.